In a dim bedroom in Trivandrum, about a year and a half ago, a beat was born. Just a drum loop, a synth line, and a bass riff. Bare bones. But to indie artist Aksomaniac, it was a starting point for a song that would explore how we see ourselves when no one else is watching. That moment became the seed of Kanmashi, a song on queerness, identity, and the divine ache of being misunderstood. Featuring production by Fatboi Raccoon and a haunting vocal performance by Archa Quasar, the track is definitely going to be on your playlist.
“I remember messaging Abhishek [Fatboi Raccoon] the second I laid down the piano hook,” Aksomaniac tells me. “This piano is talking here da,” he told him. “It felt eerie, but also comforting and oddly joyful. There were layers to it: a touch of sadness, a bit of mystery, something whimsical in its texture.“
Why Kanmashi?
The word Kanmashi itself, Malayalam for the black kohl used to line the eyes, is far from its plain meaning. For Aksomaniac, it holds deep personal meaning. “Kanmashi was one of the first things I ever put on my face, one of the earliest additions to how I presented myself,” he recalls. “It became this quiet but intentional indicator of me taking charge of how I’m perceived, of owning my identity and masculinity. Where I come from, that kind of expression isn’t exactly the status quo. But I liked how it felt, and choosing to wear it anyway became one of the first real acts of self-assertion for me.”
To Aksomaniac, it was speaking about the experience of self-expression and the journey toward self-acceptance and to “the joy and the struggle of finding security within yourself.” As the song developed, the narrative naturally evolved into one of questioning and celebrating one’s sexuality, threading both intimacy and defiance into its sonic fabric.
Collaboration with Fatboi Raccoon and Archa Quasar
Reflecting on the collaboration itself, Aksomaniac says it all began with Abhishek’s instrumental. “He sent me the core instrumental, and everything that followed was built on top of that. That’s where the song began.” But as he continued working on it, he felt something was missing. The emotional core demanded more than just a single voice; it needed duality. “After I added the piano melody and wrote the hook, I knew immediately that this story had a strong feminine energy too. For me, being comfortable with my masculinity also meant acknowledging and embracing the feminine side, and I wanted that duality to come through in the track.”
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That’s where Archa Quasar entered the picture. Even though the creative direction given to her was, in his words, “super vague at the time,” she instinctively knew what the song needed. “Sometimes, it’s only after a collaborator gives their performance that you realise exactly what you needed, and Archa delivered that effortlessly.”
The Visual Language of Kanmashi
But Kanmashi does not stop at sound. Its music video adds another layer of meaning, drawing from Indian mythology and reinterpreting it through a queer lens. Aksomaniac explains that one of the concepts they wanted to explore was Gandharva Vivah, the idea of celestial, love-based unions that exist outside societal rules. “In the video, I’m essentially personifying Manmadhan, the love god. I’m calling out to him in the lyrics, but I’m also becoming him in the visuals,” he says. “The Gandharvan is a demi-god known for indulging in music, love, and dance, and that mythology felt deeply aligned with the spirit of Kanmashi.”
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The visual concept stemmed from one key lyric: “Varmaayi Manmadan thazhukeedan keenunnita kezhunnita.” For Aksomaniac, that line expressed the emotional center of the piece. “It’s about longing for Manmadhan to descend and embrace you, to validate you. That became the core metaphor we wanted to bring to life in the video.”
Despite their ambition, the team had to pare back some of their original ideas for the video due to practical limitations. “We honestly wanted to do way more than what we finally settled on, and that’s still a bit of a point of contention within the crew,” he admits. “But sometimes, that’s just how it goes.”
Stay Tuned..
Even as Kanmashi finds its way into the world, Aksomaniac is already preparing for his next release. Titled Paapam, the track is born from a deeply personal and vulnerable place. “It’s a track that came out of a pregnancy scare,” he shares candidly, “and now I’m in the thick of trying to bring those post-scare emotions to life, both sonically and visually.” The process has not been easy, but he’s committed to finishing and releasing the track by next month. “It’s been an uphill task, but I’m determined to pull it off and release it by next month. Fingers crossed.“
What makes Paapam even more unique is its potential to break linguistic ground. “There are a lot of people asking for Paapam to drop ASAP; trust me, I’m one of them,” he says with a smile. “What makes this one special is that it might just be the first Malayalam-Marathi track out there. I’m really looking forward to sharing it with the world.”
Through Kanmashi, Aksomaniac invites listeners into a space where longing is not weakness, where queerness is not hidden, and where self-expression is sacred. The song does not ask for permission. It asks only to be heard, and in doing so, it becomes an anthem for those who have spent their lives trying to speak the language of their own truth.
