Malayalam cinema has gifted us with some cool and unconventional moms like Shobhana as Neena in Varane Avashyumundu and Kalpana as Kuttan’s mother in Bangalore Days. We’ve often watched these movies and wondered why our parents aren’t as cool and why they haven’t gossiped with us about boys and relationships or have been chill about trips and grades. This is a view that I personally shared till I was 19. As I passed my teenage years and dealt with the world beyond home, I realized the role my mother, whom I fondly call my best friend, played in my life.
During our teen years, we couldn’t wait to revel and get away from our parents. But, during the adulting phase, we find our way back home. This is why as we grow older, our mother undoubtedly becomes our best friend. A true, supportive, and ‘cool’ best friend. In this article, I explore that journey.
Best gossip partner
From being asked to leave the room when the adults talk to sitting in the kitchen munching chips while amma cooks, your mother finds a trusted confidant in you to vent. Whether it’s about your annoying neighbor or your father’s family or simply, celebrity gossip, amma gives the best advice, listens to the gossip, and adds to it. And the best part? You’re her best friend too! So your secrets are safe (for the most part, till she shares some with your achan).
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Official food tester
When you start spending time in the kitchen, you bond with your amma over food. The excitement when you get the first bite of every food and amma looking at you intently waiting for the verdict is a feeling even 30-year-olds can’t get over. Soon, the transition happens and you cook looking over to amma for her approval. She teaches you all she knows about cooking. And in case you’re not a fan of cooking (like me), you can be the assistant chef, helping (read as, kollamaakal) her with the cooking.
Best advice (for free!)
Your friend group ditched you? You’re worried about your results? Or are you wondering what to have for lunch? Amma to the rescue. Amma has the best advice for free. Though most of her advice might include a theri and mild shouting, she still empathizes and understands you more than she lets on. Sometimes, she doesn’t know how to support you but tries anyway. We can always turn to amma whether it’s disagreements with a spouse, friend, or boss because for her, you are the best and you’re never wrong.
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Aale maari poyi
While growing up, we see our amma as just our amma. But as we grow older and build our life and identity, we get a chance to view our amma under other lights as another fellow woman, a small girl who loves kuppi vala or the best girlfriend. While we are constantly evolving and aren’t the same people we were a few years ago, we tend to forget that our parents have also grown older. Amma has also evolved in her thoughts and as a person. Her identity changes from just your mother to your friend. And you begin to identify yourself more with her.
Amma= True team playah!
Put forth an absurd argument and look over to your amma and say “Alle amma?” Chances are, she will back you up (unless you’re having a fight with her). She is a true team player and a genuine well-wisher. She really does want the best for you and will go to any extent to ensure your needs are met and that you’re happy. She is glad to always take one for the team. Amma might say, she is not on board but remember, she always is.
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Support System
Even though she might not agree with your ideas entirely, she will support you nonetheless, if it makes you happy. Amma is a thanga kudam of unlimited support. From staying up with you during exams to making your coffee during your late-night meetings and barging in every few minutes with some munchies, she supports you both physically and emotionally. As you grow older, her support extends to other areas like encouraging you to leave the job or relationship that makes you unhappy or comforting you through a breakup.
Realization of the past
A part of adulting is acceptance and forgiveness. Accepting and understanding why your parents did what they did and forgiving them by comprehending that they didn’t know any better. Their fears and anxieties about you are put to rest as you’re older and capable of taking care of yourself. You humanize them and see the best friend in your mom.
As we grow older and understand the world from a new perspective, we see our parents in a new light. This new light shines on our mothers who help us realize that she always was our best friend, and we were late to the party. Let’s cherish this new bond we’ve forged in our adulthood!
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