The past two years have been tough and I’m sure that you’re anxious to know what is in store for you in 2022. So here you go. Your Nakshatraphalam (or phalikyoola) for 2022 according to the new Malayalam zodiac. If you’re going to judge my authenticity, daivam vann kannu kuthi pottikyum!
Aries (21 March–20 April)
Sign : Unniyettan
Just because you come first in the zodiac, doesn’t mean you have to come first in everything (that’s what she said). You’re a lolahridayan who would transplant your heart for Ashwathy Achuzz. But be mindful because you might also end up in jail because of a certain scammer from Jharkhand named Ashwathy Achuzz.
Taurus (20 April–21 May)
Sign : Rajamanikyam
You are supposed to start liking relaxing stuff like soft sounds according to some www.jyothisharatnam.com. I don’t know how they came to that conclusion because your animal is a poth. And pothinod soft sound ootheet kaaryam illa. You’re the life of the party and would even drink up anything that looks like pinaaak. 2022 has it in favour of you, so you continue doing you, and you might find the rRajamanikyam to your poth at some club, who knows?
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Gemini (21 May–21 June)
Sign : Nagavalli
Among the prettiest of all zodiac signs because you’ve got double faces in droves – perks of having the celestial twins as a zodiac sign. But god forbid, everything is satanic about you, and not celestial. Nagavalli is probably a Geminian, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire plot of Manichitrataazhu was the longest and deadliest prank she pulled on Nagulan just because she was bored. Thaan nannavaan onnum povunilla, pinne bhangiky venenki paranyekaam – 2022 iswill be THE best year.
Cancer (21 June –23 July)
Sign : Chandu
The kind that would buy a vaakathi, name it kindness and kill you with kindness. Kayyniraye snehavum kondu varum, but don’t know the right place to give it to. You come with excess baggage of love, so in 2022 get the hint and think twice before you slide into Unniyaarcha’s DM (direct maniyara).
Leo (23 July–23 August)
Sign : Poonjikkara
Cue the music, we have our showstopper up next! Literally a show stopper. Thaangalk kalyanam, shava samskaram, enna parisara bodham illathathum kond, ee kolam reduce your body show with music and you might not have to ramp walk into the ICU. But you’re still going to think the world is your stage, so you do you, Poonji! Moonjiya nammuk pineed nokaam.
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Virgo (23 August–23 September)
Sign : Hari
Dhananashtam, maanahani, jeevaparyantham, enniva vannal polum, you would probably not be surprised because you saw it coming. Infact, when it actually happens you might even be happy about the fact that you predicted it right. You also come with a big “vere oru thendi’deyum aavashyam illa” energy, enthin aanen Mercury’ky maathram ariyam.
Libra (23 September–23 October)
Sign : Urulakizhang from Usthad Hotel
Represented by the scales, which is very weird because when everyone else stuck to the plot of being air, water, fire, earth, you chose to be something that’s not even on the list. Good job, but what in the actual Venus?! You get along with anyone and everything, but stay unique like Karim’kkas urulakizhang. Occasionally spotted bouncing around saying “haters gotta hate, potatoes gotta potate”.
Scorpio (23 October–22 November)
Sign: Dance Master Vikram
Very passionate aalkar, just don’t know about what or who exactly. Ang keri passionate aavum. Also, highly misunderstood people.
All you want t do is have fun, but that may or may not turn into a show of pyrotechnics and horror in 2022. Ellam varsham pole 2022um pokany pokany ang povum. Thanne kaal valya durantham thaniky ini varaan illa, so rand mudra ittu you continue man.
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Sagittarius (22 November–22 December)
Sign : Sethurama Iyer CBI
You apparently get attracted to fire-y aspects – like a moth to the flame, from cholesterol to flame grilled chicken.
Thee aan thaangaludey main. Pancha bhootangalil agni kazhinyitte vere enth parupadi ollu’n Sethuraman paranya pole. Thaangal ith arinyitt pratyekich kaaryam illa, but its still general knowledge. And since you’re a fan of knowledgeable stuff, I have no clue what on Jupiter are you doing here reading this.
Capricorn (22 December–20 January)
Sign : Kittunni
This year you deserve a much-needed break from work, but make sure you don’t do so by calling your boss a mattangya moran. You might actually need that job after a break, and despite how much slavery and labour they pizhiny edukkals from you, you hardworking Kittuni just wouldn’t quit-unni. Ee kolavum lottery adikyaan onnum povunilla. Kerala sarkar alle, adutha kolam aavattey ellam sheri aavum.
Aquarius (20 January–19 February)
Sign : Kattuparamban
Aqua’n per undenki polum, you’re an air sign who brings order to the land. Appo sherikyum paranya look undenki polum, vellam kanda thaan chaadum. Ee kolavum chaadi chaadi povunen pratyekich prashnam illa, but if you’re not a fan of the waters 2022 is clearly not for you. You’d be playing a hell lot of “The floor is water” this year.
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Pisces (19 February–21 March)
Sign : Malar
Ee Malar’n buddhishakti apaaram aayathukond, you are always lost in a world far from reality. Mostly found jamming to Sushin Shyam or Bob Marley in a corner and forgetting the existence of their soulmate.
*cue dil waale puch de piya*
Also, since this is the final sign in the zodiac, baaki ellathindeyum avail aavum thangalkk 2022. Ithin homam alland pratyekich prathividhi illa. Homiche pattu!
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None of this was meant literally of course. But if you thought I was here to make sense, then bless your soul. Also, to know more about your bhaavi and bhootam, drop some comments!
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