A breakup may happen for various reasons, and it takes quite a lot of time to heal from the pain and accept it. One fine day, you have moved on. Months or years later, your ex sends you their wedding invitation, or you see their wedding pics, and something hurts inside you. Relatable?
Most psychologists believe it somehow switches on a part of your brain that relives negative and positive feelings, making you yearn for them in your unconscious mind. You may feel nothing for them anymore, not even hatred. Yet the pain may be physical, and a wave of memories you have buried comes rushing back at you, and you let yourself get drenched. Indeed, no guide can ever prepare you to deal with such a situation, but taking a step back and giving a moment to yourself will be extremely calming to put things back in perspective.
Don’t dissect the situation
One common thing that happens is viewing the wedding invitation from your ex as a cry for help, assuming the ex wants to get back or getting angry because you feel they are rubbing it on your face. This comes from the worst realisation it is over. There is no going back, and unlike dating, marriage in the Indian context is a ‘sealed deal’ involving friends and family. Diving into the nifty gitties will only lead to you spiralling down. Not engaging or delving into the situation is the best way to keep calm.
Check out: The Toxicity Encountered During The Arranged Marriage Search Period
Deal with the pain
Scream. Shout. Stare at it as long as you need. Go silent and numb, cry or break things. Do anything, but deal with the pain. It may not affect you much physically, but the mental strain may be a lot, with your mind running from an escape and unable to find the tunnel. You can always begin a therapy session, watch a sappy movie, binge-eat your comfort food, or even cuddle with your pet.
But pretending you are okay when you’re not will eat you up from within, leaving you hopeless. Do whatever makes you feel better and deal with the pain how you see fit. Burn it or delete the photos. The underlying lesson is to purge yourself of the emotions that may haunt you. Become impulsive or take a long nap. Dealing with the pain will give you the shade to understand yourself; only you are the priority here.
Guide: 7 Ways To Deal When Your Ex Finds A New Partner
Don’t do it alone
You could turn to your parents if they were in the loop with the breakup, a friend, a group of friends, a therapist, or a partner. If you have moved on, sharing and confiding about these confusing feelings with your partner will help them to support you. You may be tempted to deal with it alone and swallow your feelings. But the only thing better than one person dealing with a bad experience is having someone support you through the experience. The overthinking mind is the devil’s workhouse, and the image of your ex with their spouse, celebrating or just being happy, is enough to irk you; having someone with you will help regulate the negative feelings and keep you away from your biggest enemy.
Be practical
There are multiple ways to exhibit the crazies, but it’s best to be practical. Moving away from what hurts you is the first way. Being practical allows us to understand the situation’s pros and cons and its reality.
While we always have the option of getting in touch or trying to stop the wedding, being the adult and letting go of what isn’t meant for you is essential. Moving away from your mutuals might be another way so that you don’t have to deal with the constant updates. Being practical also involves accepting that it’s over for good and trying to focus on the future instead of the past.
Acceptance
Dissecting the situation piece by piece may make us feel powerful or give us a false sense of victory that we are close to figuring out the puzzle. Still, we only make ourselves more miserable, so acceptance is key. Your identity and acceptance as someone’s ex is a hard pill to swallow, and you may be played with by regrets and guilties pushing you into a loop, difficult to escape from. But acceptance is the final stage that will allow you to view things apart from black and white and see and accept them for what they are, grey.
“If you don’t heal from what hurt you, you will bleed on those who didn’t cut you.”
This is a profound saying about accepting the past and moving on, so your future is not compromised. Though the wedding invitation from your ex may be the final nail in the coffin of the breakup, you’re no zombie, and that grave is better left untouched.
