Jeff Bezos went into space. He made sure that everyone knows that Richard Branson tried to go to space but never left Earth’s orbit. With the billionaire space race making headlines, the big question is when will Mukesh Ambani, India’s most famous billionaire, take his ‘made in India rocket to space (or somewhere close to it). To answer this question I looked into the not-so-distant future and bring you this exclusive story.
Warning: Proceed no further if you are allergic to sarcasm.
It all started as a joke in the Instagram comments section under one of The Great Khali’s posts. One innocent commenter told Khali, “Sir, Mukesh Ambani ko uthake space me phek do!” Like most comments on the internet, this one too would be seen a few times and end up lost to the world. However, it was read by Mukesh Ambani’s helicopter pilot. One day while flying Mukesh Ambani from his home to his office, he brought up the idea of space travel. Mukesh Ambani didn’t think much of it at first. He was more interested in imposing his image on the people in the country than in the billionaire space race.
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He even joked about it with his son Akash Ambani who had just won his 10th consecutive IPL trophy with Mumbai Indians. Anant said that he was looking for a new hobby to pursue and space travel felt like the best opportunity. That’s when the idea went from a joke to a serious hobby for the Ambanis.
Mukesh Ambani announced that he will be entering into the space exploration business and kicked off the Indian billionaire space race. He was going to create a new company headed by his son Anant Ambani and call it Reliance Space. Their first flight will be called ‘JiOrbiter’. Curiously, the construction of the new parliament building was stopped right after this news citing a “lack of funds”.
The Ambanis first considered trying to launch their rocket from the terrace of Antilla itself. But they discovered that contrary to popular opinion, it is not tall enough to be halfway into space. The government then announced that after privatising the railways, airlines, roadways, electricity production and banks, they decided to privatise ISRO too. While it will still be popularly known as ISRO, the official name will be changed to DAISRO (Dhirubhai Ambani Indian Space Research Organization).
Anant Ambani won the IPL 5 more times with Mumbai Indians before the JiOrbiter was ready for space flight. Mukesh Ambani couldn’t fly in it because he wasn’t fit enough, but his son Anant was set to be the first Indian billionaire to be in space. A surprise inclusion in this list was Anil Ambani, who by this point was more famous for running marathons than being a businessman. Many people in the press saw this as a sign that the two brothers have really put their differences aside.
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The rocket had everything you would expect from a modern piece of technology but it was also designed in accordance with Vastu Shastra. In fact, the rocket had a jhoola that you will find in the living room of every Gujarati household. Mukesh Ambani gave credit for the interior design to his wife Neeta Ambani. She was also the one to organise the entire ceremony to launch the rocket. The who’s who and who isn’t who of Bollywood showed up to dance in front of Mukesh Ambani’s rocket.
India celebrated as the JiOrbiter lifted off the ground. Let me rephrase that, Indian media celebrated the JiOrbiter launch. Most people saw it, felt impressed and then went about living their lives. The real idea of the entire space plan was made completely obvious when the flight landed.
The whole crew landed except Anil Ambani. The crew mentioned that he is alive but is living in a pod orbiting the earth, like the moon. Mukesh Ambani said that there was some malfunction and the pod was a last-ditch attempt to save his brother. However, conspiracy theorists believe that this was all a ploy to keep Anil Ambani away from all controversy and financial trouble to protect the family name.
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I tried to look further into the future but it seems the truth was never revealed, and Anil Ambani never returned.
